Abel had never known who his father had been before.
Jackson would roll out of bed to let Tara sleep more, picking up his son and rocking him back into a lull. He just wanted to take care of his boys. To be honest, with his club, he never really knew how many times he’d get to be with his sons as he was in those quiet hours of the night, a silence looming over the world. But Jackson didn’t want it any other way. The club was chaos and it never ended. He wanted to be able to come home to some peace, as little as it may have been. He held his sons when he could, but it was never enough. Having them in his arms never sufficed because a time too short away would drag him from the tranquility in which he desired. More than anything, he wanted his family.
But he didn’t realize then, that his family would never be something he could have, not with Samcro burning a fire behind him. He chased the dream that he’d one day see the light at the end of the tunnel, where he was happy, with Tara, safe and sound, Abel and Thomas, strong kids growing up just the way he wanted them too.
It was just a dream though. Deep down, Jackson knew Tara and his kids would be better off without him. He just didn’t want to imagine a world where he wasn’t a piece of their lives, even if it meant they’d be happy. Selfish though, Jax Teller had always been selfish. It was human nature, was all.
But Abel hardly remembered those parts about his father. Jackson, being a normal parent, someone who was there for his mother. Tara, Tara had always been there. When Abel needed her, when his baby brother Thomas needed her. She was the mother any child wished they could have. Abel had her, but sometimes the mind just got curious.
The blonde seventeen year old remembered how his father always used to be away. He left his mother all alone, it was almost like life seemed happier without him. Jackson brought chaos, and even though he could see in his mother’s eyes, the love she had for his father, he wished Jax would go away. He caused too much pain. Didn’t he see it? Didn’t he get they were better without him?
The funny thing was, when you looked at Abel, you saw just a piece of yourself, just a slight sliver of who you had been. Protective, proud, ready to rip the head off of anyone who dared hurt your mother. She was a savior, a saint, she supported a weight that no one had ever asked her to. You knew he hated too many parts of you. You knew he wanted you gone, away, because it’d be more peaceful without you. Honestly, you agreed. Life would be simpler without you.
What he didn’t know, was you’d felt the same way when you were seventeen, struggling to keep your mother safe, all your own, under your wing. You needed to make sure history didn’t repeat itself. You needed to make sure he got out of the life. Maybe Abel wouldn’t understand now, but eventually he would. You’d be at peace knowing your first son was able to move on from Samcro, even if he hated you. Somewhere, deep down, you were a good person. But for the most part, you’d go to the lengths of blood and bones to protect your family. You’d go to the lengths of your own death and despair to protect them.
One day, Abel as well as Thomas would understand. It wasn’t today, but one day, beyond your death. when they were far away from Charming and it’s poisonous nature, your boys would understand.
I know you’ll face pain, suffering, hard choices but you can’t let the weight of it choke the joy out of your life. No matter what, you have to find the things that love you. Run to them.
GEMMA: They need to do that. Show respect.
TARA: Oh, please.
GEMMA: Don’t just toss that off. You’ve earned that, sweetheart. You’re not just some croweater. You’re Jax Teller’s old lady, and that means something. In this clubhouse, and in this town. People need to show you respect, and you don’t take shit from anyone.